Mexico City, the city of love. Oh wait, that’s Paris.

Mexico City, the city of dirt. No, that’s Egypt.

Mexico City, the city of no dentists. True, but London surpasses Mexico City 7 days a week and twice on Sunday.

Mexico City, our poor neighbors to the south. That works.

As I write this from 29,000 feet in the air (but you’ll get this e-mail after I have landed), I have the occasion to reflect on my travels to Mexico City. What is interesting is that we seem to be getting closer to the ground before our time, indicating to me that the Captain and First Officer enjoyed one too many pre-flight cocktails. You know we are in trouble when the Captain says ‘and to your right you’ll see we are flying over the airport in Little Rock, Ark…poor Brett…hey, did they forget to remove his carcass from the runway when our plane crashed a couple of weeks ago?’ My seat is right in front of the curtain, so I get that special look (with a Smirk) from the Flight Attendant that says ‘so close, Rodney, but yet so far, far away.’

I guess I should say what I’ve learned on my vacation…uh, work assignment. Think of it as a Top 10 List:

10. You will always get to your destination faster on a burrow then on Mexico City’s crowded road. Renting a borrow cost $200 pesos. Taking the damn animal off the owner’s hand is $40 pesos.

9. Personal hygine, like traffic lights, is discretionary.

8. Just like people think they see Elvis, people in Mexico swear they’ve seen Juan Valdez and his coffee burrow.

7. ACELAB Ted is scary and should be avoided at all times. If you have a gun available, shoot him with it. If not, ask the police guard with the m-16 outside of the ‘Candy Store’ (it is really a money laundering operation) to borrow his. One look at Ted and he’ll do it for you.

6. Don’t drink the water. Don’t eat the food. Just live off of phlegm. Like everything else, it probably tastes like chicken.

5. When people say hello to you, reply with ‘turkey sandwich.’ Keep doing for several days…you’ll see why later.

4. Say hello to the person in #5. They should reply with turkey sandwich. Give them a thumbs up, go into your office/room and laugh. Tell others to say hello as well.

3. Most English-speaking tour guides recommend a healthy dose of pencillin before going out to the clubs.

2. Rich Bozzuto is a clown. I guess I’ve always known that, but the fact that his clownness crosses international boundaries was previously an unknown fact.

1. Most Mexican people have very light skin. However, you’ll never know because of #9. It’s really just dirt and exhaust from the cars that give them that roasted turkey color.

TIME PASSES

Now I am writing from the U.S. Shuttle. My CD player is not working and I need to listen to my Pure Moods CD before I throttle the driver. He took a wrong turn an now he is not sure where we are going. This would be amusing if it were not 11:30pm and had he not spent a full hour looking for other passengers to try and fit into the van. At one point, everyone in the van threatened to take Boston Coach if he tried to pick up one more passenger. We think he got the point and decided to get himself lost so that we’d pay for our mutiny. One brave soul asked to be let off on a corner in Revere so that he could catch a cab. In Revere? We’ll never see him again.

Anyway, that’s my story and I am sticking to it. See you around.

–RC–