2005 has been a crazy year. So much has changed for so many in such a short space of time. Every year I endeavour to make my personal website reflective of my mood and the time. In 2004, it was all about the darker side of live. And then the 2004 election came and the result of George W Bush winning re-defined my sense of good and evil, since evil won the election. And that affected me for the better part of a year.

Now it’s a year later and 2005 has seen so much happen. This year, 3 friends became HIV+ (after knowing no one who had been infected since 1999); a friend got divorced; family re-affirmed that they mean more to me than anything else; and I took stock of where I am in life and where I want to go.

So my Website’s theme for 2006 is quite simple: Hope Springs Eternal. Enough of the sadness, pain, and war. Let’s move on to do what we can for brighter futures.

Version 4.0 of my webiste will be up on 15 January. If you have any idea on what would contribute to my theme, let me and know and I might just code it in 🙂

Today I decided that I would attack the CD pile and put them in their proper places. I’m missing a lot of CDs that will be hard to replace 🙁

My only hope is that 6-7 years ago I decide to put a lot of my music collection onto CDs…I consolidated a bunch of music into about 15 CDs. If it not on one of those CDs, replacement costs will run about $500. Not willing to spend that, so it will have to be a 12-month 2006 goal.

Is finding 12000 kronor you didn’t even know you had *smile*

good thing…that iPod Video was expensive 🙂

So today is Saturday and I have been in the US for almost a week. It has been an good trip here. I arrived on Tuesday evening very late and was really tired so I went to bed. On Wednesday I had doctor’s appointments for most of the afternoon and instead of seeing my family I got jet lagged and needed to sleep. So I actually didn’t see my family until Thursday morning and spent the day with them.

I went to visit my grandmother as well. She is definately getting older and I worry for her so much. It was really good to see her. We sat and talked for 20 minutes. At her house. I can’t say that I have ever done that. But it felt so good to do that and to see pictures from when she was young and to hear her stories. I went back to my car and cried, ashamed that I had not done that sooner. That I had never done that with my grandfather, and that I had squandered opportunities to do that with my parents. I also saw our aunt, who has been very ill as well. And of course my mom, who misses me so much that I can see in her eyes that it hurts her that I am away. She is happy for me and supports my decision to remain in Europe or anywhere, but just wants me to communicate more. It was a sobering reminder that while I am pretty ok in my personal life, I need to pay more attention to family life. So I have already booked a trip back to the USA.

On Friday I went to Atlanta and this is where I have been ever since. Visiting Steve. It is great to see him too. I don’t rank friends (I do put them in tiers or categories like everyone else does), but let us say that he is pretty close to the top.

On Friday we went out to Red Chair and Wet Bar (2 gay places) and I got really drunk and had to go back to the apartment. I was drunk. very. very. drunk. Tonight we are going out as well. Maybe tomorrow, if everyone decides to have a relaxed night, I will make a dinner where everyone can just chill out and relax.

I can just say that I left Boston with a sense of inner peace and calm that I have not had in a very very long time. Despite all of the challenges, it helped me understand that when I take analyse my 2005 new years resolutions and prepare the 2006 list, that I will have to make family a stronger component.

There is so much more to write, but of course, like I always say “i’ll get to that later ;)”

Love to all.

–Rodney–

Yesterday I went shopping online. Clothes shopping. I went shopping at the Gap online. I am not sure that they are still in fashion, but I liked the clothes that I saw and I have shopped with them so much that I know how the clothes fit without really having to try them on. I got 5 pairs of pants and 4 shirts. Nice and new colors which look really sharp and nice. And it’s also an advantage because it means that I have that much less to carry with me to the US tomorrow.

I have also thought that maybe I should get an video iPod. I am not sure that I want one really. I just like to be ahead of the curve. But I could use that $500 for other purposes — more like necessities really.

Anyway, hope everyone is doing well!

The time is soon upon me to return to the U.S. for Thanksgiving. I am ambivalent about the trip. I am heading for tough discussions with the family since I will probably announce my intention to stay in Sweden even if not on assignment. So my family will be mad but that is OK. I feel like staying is what I want to do. And in August 2007 I will get permanent citizenship and the right to work in the E.U. More possibilities. I will have to negotiate carefully…

I will also go and see Steve which I am excited about. But that is all about the future. Tonight is about celebrating Warrens’ birthday 🙂