2003-06-22 – 08:44

“When In Rome” or “Rodney and Tomas’ Excellent Adventure”

22 June 2003

Tjena journal! 🙂 (and readers)

It’s always a long time since I have last written, so I am updating this journal again. This time with the details of my last trip. And then I shall soon update it with details of my birthday party! 🙂

So a couple of weeks ago, Tomas and I went to Rome for a long weekend. Just wanted to hang out someplace new! 🙂 ANd our friend Luca was there.

The fun all started on the plane. We flew Sterling Airlines, which is one of those discount “Easy Splash” carries. The concept of them is cool enough: pay for what you want while on the plane, all you get is a seat. But I did have some concerns about safety. Surprisingly, everytime we passed over a body of water, the plane didn’t nosedive towards it like I thought that it would. SO that is a bonus for sure! 🙂

Anyway, back to my story.

So, on the plane, Tomas and I are drinking champagne and eat pringles, because you know, when we travel, we travel in class like the trailer park trash we all dream to become. SO we are sooo drunk on the plane. ANd the fligth attendant was so adorable (he invented a new currency, called the “Sweedy”, but it’s too long to explain here.)

SO we land, and we’re drunk, and then we immediately meet our friend Luca, who is one of the most awesome people on the planet! And then we go to the hotel.

Now let’s focus on this hotel thingy for a moment. ALthough it was close to Via Venetto (the most posh street), the hotel was anything like we thought. The hotel had no grand entrance, just a green door shared with other building tenants. In fact, the name of the hotel, Hotel Invictus, was written in small letters on the panel listing the building tenants. Once we buzzed into the building, it smelled like death.

So, after following a series of inter-connected tunnels like those found in the vietnam war, and one out-dated lift, we arrived to the reception hall of the Hotel Infectus, I mean Invictus. It turned out to be OK after all, but outward appearances can be decieving as hell!

So over the course of the weekend, we go from club to club to club, eat a great restaurants, roast like pigs under the heat (even at night :), and sight-see by drunkenly stumbling from bar/cafe to bar/cafe. ANd through it all, Luca was a kind and gracious host. Having met Luca only a few months before, I can see why his friends love him so much. And I couldn’t have thought of a more perfect weekend than spending it with Tomas and Luca! 🙂 In true trailer park trash fashion, we ate at burger king at 11pm at night upon returning into Stockholm, before going our seperate ways. But it was so cool…and the pics I have and have seen will be memorable forever! 🙂

Well, there are some parts I am leaving out, but of course, I can’t always mention everything! 🙂

Ciao for now journal. Love ya!

Rodney

P.S. I am working on updating my website overall. I’ll post it here when I get around to changing it.

2003-06-02 – 23:02

“It’s a Sunshine Day” or “The Sun Also Rises” [but why the fuck doesn’t it set]

02 June 2003

Well hello journal! I am listening to Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen at the moment, and it felt like a good time to write about something that above my head, seemingly now almost 24 hours a day. THat shitty sun. It’s 11pm here in Stockholm, and it “JUST” went to dusk. And it will stay at that level until about 2:30am, when the sun will begin to rise and shine like an over-eager soldier. It is the wierdest thing I have ever experienced in my life. Well, that’s a bit of stretch on my part really, but it is strange for sure. We went from total darkness to total light in a matter of 5 months. No wonderful why my fellow stockholm-dwellers are so crazy — they can’t ever count on their natural circadian rhythms to help them balance out! Hmmm…

Well, now Rome is only 4 days away, and I can’t wait! I need a holiday from Stockholm for a weekend. Now I hear what you’re saying “but Rooooodney, you spend the last 2 weekends in Copenhagen, Denmark.” And I say in response “what the hell is up with you that you are watching my comings and goings? ;-)” Oh, so maybe you only know because I told you. Don’t you judge me. That’s includes you!

Today wasn’t very exciting at work, but I did get to chat with Magnus today, and that was a cool thing. Magnus has so much emotion for a Swede that I don’t know what to think. He’s definately atypical, and that’s a compliment.

Oh yeah, I should also mention that I went to some crazy clubs this weekend. On Saturday, I want to a club called Raw. It had 3 level. Lexus, which was hard house. Nexus, which was hard techno, and Sexus, which you had to get naked in order to enter (to keep those around me from getting hysterically blind because I am still not through Beach 2003, I kept my clothes on and didn’t go in at first). However, after the naughty bits were over, it turned into a foam room and then I entered and danced in the foam. It was pretty cool. And there were all types of people there and that was awesome, even though I was the only black guy there. Sometimes I like putting myself in that situation, because I like to watch people react to me. RAW was awesome. The next time it happens, I’ll be better prepared.

And on Sunday, I went to the boat and partied most of the night away. It was loads of fun as well.

So, pretty much I was out partying every night since Wednesday, and that was a good. Staying home tonight (Monday) though, in order to prepare to get psyched for ROME THIS WEEKEND! Woooooo hooooooo!!!!!!!

OK, well, I am all out of things to say. I’m a bit boring today and my humor is off easier than Bozzuto’s shirt at a gay bar. But hey, the good lord loves each and every one of us.

So with that, I’ll bid everyone a fond farewall. Hej då everyone and love you journal!

Ciao for now!

Rodney

P.S. I you haven’t yet listened to song Superstar by The Ones, go get it now…it’s an awesome awesome techno song!

“Hey Little Wee Man” or “Waaazzzuuuuppp”

30 May 2003

So what’s up everyone? It’s been a very very very long time since I have written anything in the journal. At one point, I was aiming to have 365 entries in the journal. However, having been so lazy for so long, I should have known that if I got 60 entries into the journal, I would have been so fucking lucky. Hee hee.

So journal, I should try to provide you with some highlights, though they are vague, probably because I’m almost drunk. Shhhh….don’t tell my mom….wait, I think she reads this….hmmmm….

Well, in the time since I have written, Steve came back to Stockholm for a week to do some more controls consulting, and that was cool. I went to Denmark twice, Norway once, and I fell in love with Copenhagen so much that I might even consider moving there mid-assignment if possible. I’ve met loads of new people, too many name every one of them, but Linda and Marasel are especially noteworthy. They are so awesome.

In terms of major events in my life, I had the results of all my physicals and tests come back since I last wrote, and everything continues to be in good working order 🙂 Oh yeah, and I am seriously contemplating lippo suction in poland, although I could just do at home what they do in poland…a vacuum cleaner, a pair of scissors, and a hefty bag…and viola…you drop two pants sizes and have a doggie bag. That was actually kinda gross, eh? But seriously, I am actually doing quite good. Important battles have been won in Operation Beach 2003…I won’t be a beached whale after all…maybe just a seal waddling along the beach. But most people who have seen me have noticed I’ve lost some weight. Me and Missy Elliott share cooking and exercise tips.

One of the worst things to happen here in Sweden is that the fucking sun sets at about 10pm (for the moment anyway…it will soon not completely set at all) and comes up around 3 to 3:30 in the morning. “So what?” is what I hear most of you asking, since you are likely in bed at that hour. Well, if you are out partying, as in every countries, you depend on dark and misty lighting to justify the warthogs disguised as humans you accidentally take home. (I happen to carry a flashlight so that I can shine it before I take them home…if they begin to run from the light, then I know it’s best to go home alone 🙂 However, with this dang-blasted sun, I have no excuse now. So I must drink more in order to be able to blame it on the alcohol.

I have many revelations over the past few weeks since I have written, but I can’t remember them. But then I am not surprised. I won’t be standing in line for the Nobel Prize anytime soon, unless they give one out for pure and unrelenting laziness. But even then, I couldn’t be bothered to stand in line for it…home delivery, along with a pineapple pizza would be lovely.

Finally, perhaps I can end this entry by talking about today. Today I went to Tony & Guy to get my hair cut. Oh la la….it was sooo good…and I look fabulous. Correction: even MORE fabulous. I decided that my experience with the Tony & Guy hair salon must be love. So as soon as I can marry the entire staff and not to go jail, you’ll all get invites to my wedding.

Well journal, it’s 9pm now, and I need to take a nap before we go out partying tonight. Take care everyone and have an awesome time. I’ll make the usual promise to write more, if you take the usual action of ignoring that promise, knowing it is not worth the digital ink it is printed on.

Ciao for now. Love you journal!

Hej då everyone….Rodney

P.S. I am going to Rome next weekend…I will make an effort to update while there or shortly thereafter, if not sooner. And maybe even some pictures. ANd visit my webiste. ANd eat your oatmeal. And this offer is not valid with any other discount or promotional offer. And…yeah, whatever….

“Fun with Languages” or “Gollum/Smegol get those Swedish-es”

13 April 2003

Yeah, all of hell has frozen over…here is ajournal update. A brief one before I head out and party tonight.

I have been corresponding with many Swedes. Some speak English flawlessly. While others, well, they need some more practise. However, I would never hold that against anyone, except this one guy who speaks English so poorly, I have asked him to switch to Swedish and to draw pictures so that we understand each other better.

No, before you go calling me a mean, heartless bastard, you have to understand that the Boy Wonder in question ain’t ever gonna be no beautiful mind. If my friends Markus, Tomas, and Jesper speak English like the british (this at best, might be a dubious compliment), then this guy, Genius in a bottle, speaks English as well as that creature from the Lord of Ring, Smegol/Gollum. Everytime he speaks, I think he’s says “stupid fat rodney-es, he tooks me lucky charms-es-es, and we wants it back.” Or something like that.

Anyway, hooked on phonics didn’t work for him. Sigh…I am so bitchy tonight. TIme to get drunk.

Ciao for now journal!

Hej då everyone! 🙂

Love, Rodney

“Month in Review: March 2003” or “Operation Beach 2003”

6 April 2003

Hello journal! How are you? It’s been so long since I have written, that I bet you were beginning to think that I didn’t care anymore? Well, I do. And since I am crapy at consistent communication for our dear readers, I definately was planning to write an update. Now is as good as time as any.

March 2003 was a pretty good month overall, although I would be hard pressed to tell you what was significant about it. The new people in my life are Maria, Helen, Anders, Sait, Yonas, and Johan. They are all cool people, and my circle of friends grows almost every week. Most of this month I have been drunk on the weekends. Oh yeah, and then there is Craig from the UK, who is a friend of a friend, but he’s cool so that is good.

What has happened is that I have drafted the plan to begin “Operation Beach 2003”, which is to get me ready to look reasonable on the beach by end of June 2003. It actually started 4 weeks ago, but several bags of McDonalds, Chinese food, and over 24 bottles of booze later, I realise that I now needed to get serious about it.

At first I kept pushing out the deadline by a couple of years, but that would only mean that I’d get fatter and fatter like a whale, and everytime I’d try to leave the water, Greenpeace would try to throw me back in, thinking I was a beached whale and that they were saving me.

Then I thought that I’d get lippo-suction in poland, but I was told lippo-suction there is only US$5 because they only use a vaccum cleaner/hoover and a hefty bag.

Finally, I thought that since I work for IBM, I need to manage this differently. I have to develop presentations and charts, service level measurements, and come up with a Beach 2003 management system. So this is what I have done. 🙂 Mostly because I am lame. Look for the Beach 2003 Management System on my website in a couple of weeks.

And the summer is shaping up to be very cool as well. Just as soon as I have details, I’ll be posting them up here.

Oh yeah, and I’ll make my promise again to update more, but like Beach 2003, we’ll see if it actually delivers anything!

In the next issue:

* “Swedish Strawberry Surprise”

* “It’s not the pants that make you look fat, it’s the fat that makes you look fat”

* “Oh Suzie Q :-(”

* “Here A Hag, There A Hag, Everywhere A Fag Hag”

* “Frumpy-A-Go-Go”

Anyway, I need to go to the gym…wish me luck…I forgot what you are supposed to do at a gym, so I’ll sit around and sip water, feeling butch without accomplishing anything.

Ciao Journal! Hej då everyone!

Love, Rodney

2003-03-02 – 20:48

“The Month in Review, Part II” or “I Must Inform the Public of my Comings and Goings”

02 March 2003

Hello dear journal! How are you today? It has been such a long time since i have written anything to you, and I am so sorry, but the month has been really busy because I have been substituting for people in the office, and I have been trying to have more fun in the social scene, which I have accomplished.

During the month of February, I have done so many things that I hardly know where to begin. First, I had a visit from Steven again. he was last in stockholm in september or october and it was a real treat to see him again. We were able to hang out and catch up on a lot. He was doing generally well and he made me really happy to come and visit him again.

After Steve left, I also was hanging out with my good friends Markus and Tomas. And I also met Rain from Finland and he was amazingly cool. I let him stay at my flat when he was in Stockholm and he returned the favor when I went back to Finland.

Finally, I also went home to get some of my things so that they could be shipped to Sweden. While I was at home I stayed with my sister’s place and did a lot of work. I also surprised my mom with a visit to her office and took her out to lunch. I also got to visit with Cara while I was in town. I tried to visit with Jason, but he was out of town. I literally had so much to do that I couldn’t even visit all of my family and i could not visit all of my closest friends either. But I have a gfeeling that I will have many more surprise trips home. I just need to do a better job of managing my visits home because if I give a lot of warning, then I have to go and try and visit too many people and everyone gets disappointed because I don’t have the ability to spend quality time with them.

Anyway, on 01 March 2003, I also had another endeavour, which was to begin the “Rodney Improvement project”, which after I talked to Markus, we renamed it to “Beach 2003”. Our collective goal is to get in shape to be comfortable at the beach by June. However, the we have been off to quite a slow start, as we have eating nothing but junk and fatty food, and drank loads of alcohol since the task began. But I am confident that we will succeed mostly because I have no choice. And with Tomas as inspiration, i am sure that I will continue to lose more weight. but we will see how it goes.

Anyway, I have to go now, but it was a whole lot of fun to write. I promise to try and write on a weekly basis. Take care jounral.

Love, Rodney

“A Month in Review” or “What A Strange, Long Trip It’s Been (again)”

23 February 2003

Hello journal! Well it seems that I have gone down from daily updates, to weekly updates, to monthly updates. But it’s all good, because most of you, dear readers, have been using a little thing called e-mail! And I love you all for it, but often, I am just too busy to respond in any depth unless it’s about Steak and Blowjob Day. I am serious. It’s an actual day. Lord help us all.

Anyway, so according to the date thingomonobber on the last journal entry, it has been a month and 3 days, so what has happened do you ask? Plenty! But we’ll go over that later. I think I am going to hook up with someone coming over to my flat.

Anyway, the main goal of this message is that Rodney drops everything for cheap meaningless sex with the georgous swedes.

And my website has finally been updated. Go to www.rodneycornelius.com and feel free to send me some feedback.

“I’m Edumacated” or “Sprechen de Frommage, MoFo?”

20 January 2003

Hello journal. How are you today? I am feeling like I am cloud nine…that is the nickname for my bed by the way. But actually, I am at work. But I am still in a happy mood so far. This weekend was quite a nice weekend in many ways. eXciting if you know what I mean. There was sex, drugs, and rock and roll (metaphorically speaking)…shiny disco balls…all of that good stuff.

So anyway, the reason to write to you today is that I am signed up for Swedish language lessons, and I am so excited at the opportunity to learn swedish. I really feel like I am going to be able to communicate so much more effectively once I become confident in Swedish. I am anticipating that I will be far along in the Swedish langauge by June 2003. At the end of the summer (which will be the one year mark in Sweden), I want to have a good understanding of the language at least the way a 7 year old would communicate. This would be the same level I currently use in English. I am going to get edumacated and I am so excited. Now repeat after me…”spechen de Frommage, MoFo?” Don’t know what that means? It means “do you speak cheese, motherfucker?” Yeah, I’ve got that secretary of state job all wrapped up…

In other news, I have decided to have another after-party. I have to warn the neighbors…or better yet invite them. However, I think that even if I invite them over…once it goes past 6am, my neighbors are going to hate the fact that I am having an after party. I am going to have to buy their silence. Either that or whore around the apartment building and sleep with them all. Including that geriatric carpet-bagger at the end of the hall. If I so much as sneeze loudly, she laments openly about how kids sneezed more quietly when she was young. Only I don’t think she can remember that far back.

Well, that’s enough for the moment…promise to write more later. Ciao for now journal…love you!

–Rodney

“Dog Day Afternoon” or “Age Before Beauty”

12 January 2003

Hello journal and everyone. Perhaps you felt the earth shake today. You wanna know why? No, it is not because I was walking around (I am not fat, I am big-boned). It actually is because today I left my dignity at the store entrance and went to buy a CD single from the A*Teens. Yeah, the A*Teens. You know, the group who got their start by performing covers of ABBA songs (the “A” in A*Teens stands for “ABBA”), but now have used their relative success to make their own records? Well anyway, I have hosted so many after-parties in which the song has been requested, that I decided that it was just time to bite the bullet and purchase the single. Sigh. And for my next trick, I will make my dignity disappear…poof.

Anyway, this afternoon was just kinda of a blah day. I didn’t really have much to do, so I decided that I would go shopping. You know, because since I have no sense of real self-worth, I will buy my happiness and then come down with a case of “Shoppers Remorse”. So anyway, today I went to buy new music, some creams and potions, and a house-warming present for a friend. In terms of music, I bought a awesome artist named “Peaches”…her signature song is “Fuck the Pain Away”…she’s just kick ass. And there was that A*Teens thing, but let us never mention that again. I also had to buy more CK Crave, Tommy Body Wash, and a couple of items from Nickel, since I am not scheduled to fly to Paris anytime soon. In the fragrance section of Åhlens, I ran into Joachim, whose name I always forget…I feel like an ass when that happens, but I was honest and just said that I forgot his name. Nothing personal. I tend to remember names of people I meet only when I am in the condition I originally met them. For example, if I meet you while I am drunk, I remember when I drunk again (usually within 24-36 hours), but not when I am sober. So everyone in theory has to introduce themselves to me twice….unless I think you are so hot that I wanna shag, then I ask everyone around who that is so that I can seem like that creepy bunny-boiling type that wins people over so easily. My, that was random, eh? At any rate, Joachim was a real doll…he gave me a free samples and a carry case. All of the cool kids work in fragrance. All of the smelly kids work in the music department. If you work in a music store or department and are reading this, yes, you smell. yes you do. Stop arguing. La la la la…I’m not listening Senior/Senora/Senorita Smelly…

Last night I went out drinking. Went to the local club (it’s downstairs from me) and it was Cottonhead Night, meaning that I was one of four people under the century mark. Not that it’s not fun to go to the club during Century Night, but lets face it, you can only watch the gums fall out of a grandma’s mouth so many times before it just becomes plain old unattractive. So after gambling away about US$50, I decided that it was time to go and party some place else. We went to Stureacompagnient (I spelled that wrong), and had a great time. Some of my UK mates had never been, so it was good that they saw some of the non-touristy places in Stockholm. Someone said at the club that I was dressed like a discount hooker, but I swear my boss tells me the same thing, so I took it in stride and took his business card because he supposedly has great after-parties.

Well, other than that, things are going pretty well still. I have a clean apartment thanks to the Canadian cleaner, a fully stocked bar thanks to the local package store, and something to eat other than cheese and corn chips thanks to a trip to the supermarket.

Keep in touch everyone! Ciao for now and love you journal.

Ciao, Rodney

“Cool As Ice” or “The Art of Making Friends”

11 January 2003

Greetings readers. You know, I had 2 instant messenging conversations yesterday in which both people commented that since I wasn’t updating frequently in the journal, they weren’t too sure how I was doing, because that was one of the ways that they knew how I was doing. I found that touching. It was such a “waiting to Exhale” moment, that I was inspired to write a new journal entry again today.

Today’s topic is surprise…the Swedish and the process of making friends. Are you surprised at this? You shouldn’t be.

Most Swedes spend their days at work, tending to the kids, living predictable lives. Most of the population of Stockholm has not lived here all of their lives…they consider it “moving to the big city.” So they tend to have their friends back home and are very reserved when making new friends in the city, especially with foreigners. So as a foreigner in Stockholm who know almost no Swedish, can you imagine that the process of making friends is challenging at the best of times, difficult at the worst of time. There’s a bunch of Swedish “rules” that just don’t exist in the US. It makes them seems cold at times, but as I have come to learn, once you make a friend with a Swede, it is usually a pretty strong friendship that can stand the tests of time and distance. However warm and fuzzy this makes you feel, let’s break it down to some more of those rules, understanding that for me, the context is trying to shag most of the adult population of hot Swedes I see everyday. Ok, not really. Or maybe I am serious. Things will seem to contradict, so ask me again when the Tylenol PM wears off:

1. Swedes tend to be reserved (it is often mistaken for shyness) when they are meeting someone for the first time. To counter-act this, they drink alcohol. Loads. Now my US friends will say “Rodney, just buy them a drink and use your witty charm to think of a conversation-starter”. However, Swedes aren’t used to people buying them drinks. It is often looked on with the expectation that I want to sleep with them. Sometimes true, but more often than not, I am just being friendly. To the Swedes who read, understand that in the US, most people going out defer to the “round”concept…I’ll buy this round, you buy the next, etc, etc, etc.

2. Being a foreigner is sometimes bad. Sometimes you can feel isolated. However, being a foreigner is good. It starts conversations. And when you make a social mistake, it is easily dismissed as “oh, well he’s not from around here, otherwise, he wouldn’t have slept with your spouse because he would have know.” While this might bother most, I take pride in being different than anyone they have probably ever met.

3. After-parties and dinner parties are a good thing. Having never been invited to an after-party, I don’t really know what it is like to attend one. I have only hosted them. I guess I should be bitter at that, but in reality, I hosting them more. And the visitors like that the alcohol is free (because I pay for it). But in general, I am please to share my flat with others. Compared to the average Swedish flat for a single person, I live in a palace (my flat is over 100 square meters). I feel like it is small, at which point Swedes will tell me to shut my piehole. At this point, I am really just inviting a bunch of different people to my flat for after-parties, but towards the middle of the year, I will narrow that group down. Basically, there are already people who have come to one after-party, but will never be invited to the next one, especially when they see me on the street or at a club/bar and don’t even say anything to me. The dinner parties haven’t started yet, but they will…I can burn something for up to 12 people.

4. Swedes will admit to being cold towards others at first. Many of them accept that fact that they are viewed as cold people. Ask them then why not change, and you get a “hmmmmm….I dunno” as a response. But I suppose that it an unfair question.

5. Swedes are the Borg. In Sweden, conformity is key. Everyone is expected to have a volvo, a place to live, 2 kids, and generally be no more or less successful than their neighbors. If they are more successful, they are expected to almost hide it or be very modest about it. Different than the US, where the motto is “if you have it, flaunt it.” Modesty here is essential. Despite the fact that comparatively speaking, I am very wealthy here in Sweden (I was “reminded” recently that the monthly rent for my flat is about what some Swedes take home in a month), I do try and keep a level head about things here. Back to the Borg concept, I tend to be immediately marked a being different, but for some reason, I am comfortable with that.

6. Stockholm is small. They think it’s big because they’ve never been to New York. But Stockholm is small enough so that generally speaking, there is a sense that someone is always aware of what I am doing. This has been proven to me several times. So nothing is ever really “secret”. Perhaps it’s the social circles I operate in, perhaps it is just the way that it is, but I don’t spend time thinking about it really. Except every moment of every day. I kidding…I think… =0)

Well, there are other rules as well, but I am not sure that this is the forum to express them in. After all, you need only to refer to my previous postings to understand that while I share virtually everything here, I don’t share “everything everything”.

Seeing that’s it’s saturday and the only thing I really have to show for food in my flat is a box of pasta, old cheese, and some yogurt, perhaps it is time to hit the supermarket.

Tune in next time for another edition of “The World According to Rodney”. Love you journal.

Ciao, Rodney