{"id":311,"date":"2000-01-25T15:47:08","date_gmt":"2000-01-25T14:47:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rodneycornelius.com\/blog\/?p=311"},"modified":"2012-10-19T15:48:47","modified_gmt":"2012-10-19T14:48:47","slug":"travelogue-for-england","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/?p=311","title":{"rendered":"Travelogue for England"},"content":{"rendered":"

Well, it is a new year and I figured that I’d start it off right…with a travelogue! For those of you who never have received these before, let’s just say that they offer an unique perspective of the highlights of my travels to date.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Putting the lengthy monologue aside, let’s just right into the story…<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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**The Plane Ride**<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It all begins as I am boarding the plane. Can you guess which plane I am boarding? If you said an airline with reputable service and a commitment to quality, then obviously, you didn’t pick American Airlines. To give you a hint of what I was in for on my latest adventure with American Airlines, as I board the plane, I look at the flight deck door and I notice that a towel has been stuff underneath it (those who are RAs know where this is going). Then, to my amazement, the flight deck door swings open, and who is the first to walk out?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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WHITNEY HOUSTON with a joint in her hand, staggering around the plane singing her latest hit, “It’s Not RIght, But It’s OK”<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Nervously, I find my seat. Then I noticed that someone was in my seat. It seems that we were both issued the same ticket. So I try to find a flight attendant, which is the equivalent of trying a smurf in the forest. I look in the business class section, I look under the toilet seat, I even look in the first class section. But all I find at every turn are hot ashes from Whitney’s joint. Some time later, a meandering flight attendant makes his over to our area and he simply tells the other guy to move. Now, I am ready to relax. But guess what else American Airlines comes with? You guessed it…FREE SCREAMING BABY. Apparently, there were a lot in stock, because most of them ended up on the plane. Anyhoo, to make a long story short, the planes leave (late from the gate as usual), and we arrive in England. Yeah baby yeah.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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**”Rodney Learns Italian”**<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

During the audit, there emerges the possibilty that Rodney will **have** to fly to Milan to conduct some on-site interviews. So, I stop by the Air Italia Airlines desk to try and arrange a ticket. I also figured that this would be a great time to test my Italian. (Note to Self: Learn Italian before attempting to speak it). So what follows below is a transcript in the following order: 1) The conversation in Italian; 2) The conversation as I interpreted it; and 3) What actually might have been said.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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1) The Conversation In Italian<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Me: Ciao<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: Come posso aiutarlo?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: L’ asino ha rubato il mio automobile e sta guidando ad Italia.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: Non capite una cosa. Colpo di malattia di maggio voi gi\u00f9 in Italia.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Quel giraffe ha rubato il mio margarita. <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: Siete troppo stupid da essere sopra fuori in pubblico.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Sono fatto di formaggio.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: Sarete arrestati da sicurezza. E taglieremo le vostre parti riservate in moda da poterli avere voi capretti come ritardato mentre siete.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Grazie.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: Li spero dado.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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2) The Conversation as I interpreted it<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Me: Hello<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: How can I help you?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: I’d like one ticket to Italy please.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: I’d be glad to assist you with your ticket to Italy.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: That would be great.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: Let me arrange the details using your passport.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Excellent. I am happy.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: Glad to help. Just clear the security gate.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Thank you.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: Your welcome. Safe travels.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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3) What actually might have been said<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Me: Hello<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: How can I help you?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: The donkey stole my car and is driving to Italy.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: You don’t understand a thing. May disease strike you down in Italy.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: That giraffe stole my margarita.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: You are too stupid to be on out in public<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: I am made of cheese.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: You will be stopped by security. And we will cut off your private parts so that you cannot have kids as retarded as you are.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Me: Thank you.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Her: I hope you die.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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So luckily, I did not make the plane ride and I had to stay in England. I was going to go to Milan for a weekend, but I figured that something bad would happen, so I went to London, hung out, got drunk, and generally pissed off a lot people.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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**”Work that Brassier Old Man”**<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So me and my work mates are off to visit Winsdor Castle, where the queen lives to unbridled oppulence. If they just sold 2 paintings that were in her “weekend home,” thousands of british could have better teeth. The Queen Mother, who was not at the castle that day, was out and about doing royal-type things. But I saw the Queen Mother on TV later that evening. The Queen of Frump was wearing this dreadful yellow ensemble. It made her look like Pikachu the Pokemon creature. Anyway, back to the story. As we were walking towards the castle, what do we see? An old man wearing NOTHING but a bra, a thong, and a garter belt. It was like being at Vassar. My mind could not process what we had just saw, so I almost passed out on the pavement. What was the nastiest thing about it was that he thong was beginning to come undone. Nightmares ensued for 2 nights. Thankfully, I did not have a camera, but the experience was made complete by Japanese tourists who was following this guy taking pictures. This really happened. I swear. And I have people to back it up.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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**”Closing Thoughts”**<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In between those things, there was nothing too exciting that was going on. Just your ususal good beer, bland food, bad teeth, and everything came with mushy peas. So what we have learned today? Nothing really.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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See Ya!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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–RC–<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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This latest edition bought to you buy:<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

“Rodney’s Travelogues: Work of Fact, Fiction, and An Active Imagination” (TM) and<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Victoria’s Secret: “Undergarments for the discerning gentleman” (TM)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

American Airlines: “Service So Transparent, It’s Non-Existent” (TM)<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Well, it is a new year and I figured that I’d start it off right…with a travelogue! For those of you who never have received these before, let’s just say that they offer an unique perspective of the highlights of my travels to date. Putting the lengthy monologue aside, let’s just right into the story… … Continue reading Travelogue for England<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[4],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/311"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=311"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/311\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":312,"href":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/311\/revisions\/312"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=311"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=311"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.rodneycornelius.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=311"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}